Princessp11's Weblog

Luna Alone

princessp11 — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 03:42:35 +0000

Epilogue
The name is Luna. Luna Aristal Reeves to be exact. That’s pronounced Arystol .I guess you could say I don’t talk much, and I guess you could say I don’t have many friends. Who needs those when you’re as special as I am? At least that’s what my parents kept telling themselves. I was never the life of the party, never outspoken, I just never really cared I guess. They thought that I was just shy and it was just a phase that I would grow out of it, but lets’ face it, being alone is just who I am.
I am now seventeen, and the elephant of the room. When I say elephant don’t think of a big fat giant standing in the corner with a long trunk and tusk. I mean I am the most awkward thing that has happened since Michael Jackson turned white. I mean don’t get me wrong, he is still an amazing singer, but people will never look at him the same way. I am that one girl in the class that no one can put in a group, the one girl that no one knows about. I am the “emo” kid. Gasp! Not the emo kid! No really, I mind as well be a vampire or the boogie man. Awkward must be written across my forehead in invisible ink that only everyone else can see. God I wish people would get over their selves sometimes; I am the most normal person at our school actually. I just haven’t had my first kiss, or ever had a boyfriend, or ever liked the idea of paying outrageous prices for a hoodies that says Blumshik across my chest. Gasp again!
“Welcome to Blumshik, Where hoodies are 45% off and all yours for only $50 dollars… and up!”
My sister would be the one stupid girl to say,
“That’s a steal!!!”
I mean really who says that? That’s a steal? Unless you’re talking about stealing the 50 dollars (and up) that you are paying for these dumb hoodies, than the only thing that’s getting stolen is your money, not theirs. Ha! Jokes on you!
“Oh… really…?”
So now that I’m on the subject I should probably tell you about my sister. My older sisters’ name is Chasity Graven Reeves. She was born on May 22, 1992 on a cold spring… Okay boring. My sister is the devil. I swear she has made it her personal goal to ruin my life since the day I was born. She was only a year older than me, but she was an evil little one year old. I came out as a frail little child, barely able to open my mouth and suck on that little bottle, and she, she was a monster! My parents say she put me on the couch “on accident” and let me roll off knowing I didn’t know what was going on, and then she laughed because she thought I was “playing around.” We all know that girl knew I was not playing, and her cute little giggle was just like a witches laugh to mock and scorn me for being so little. So if you’re wondering if I like my sister the answer is always! We are the best of friends, and we always get along. Ha! You seriously need to laugh at that, because that is probably the biggest lie I have ever told in my life! Sorry mommy, and daddy, and grandma, and grandpa, and… oh who cares! My sister deserves this as much as murderer deserves to go to jail… (So I think)
I am a bitter person, but there are reasons I am the way that I am. My parents have always said to dance to the beat of your own drum, but when you do that people laugh because your whack. Now that word belongs in slogans such as “You’re whack if you do crack,” or “Crack is whack man.” However I really have been “whack” to the crowd. Maybe I am an outcast or maybe I put this on myself by being anti social. To be totally honest I really don’t care. It does get lonely though sometimes. I’ve never been to a social event after school. I mean it has the world social in it, and I’m ANTI social. When we have pep rallies at school, I am that one girl that looks super fragile sitting in the corner looking around at all the “big” kids. It doesn’t help that my sister just happens to be the most popular girl in school, and tries in every possible way to embarrass me. Even when I am trying to hide I swear the girl comes and hunts me down. The fact that I hate the most popular girl in school doesn’t really help much either. She’s a senior but I am too. If you are wondering how this is possible, it is because I am super smart and happen to hate high school. O M G girlfrannd, how could you hate high school! Okay let me put it in simple terms; I will never be able to be who I am around all these people who don’t understand me. It is not like I haven’t thought about having a boyfriend, or going on dates, or hanging out with my outrageously fake but popular friends. It is not like I don’t try every single day to fit in with people that hate me so much. It is not like I don’t try to be stupider so people don’t beg me for answers before class, it is just who I am and there is no changing that. Maybe I can’t I change but I sure as hell can avoid people. I am pretty good at it actually.
The weirdest part of it all is that I am probably more beautiful than my sister, but you will never catch me saying that in front of anyone or thing for that matter. I like to classify myself as the ugliest thing since the ugly duckling, but I am really not. In fact I am rather gorgeous. Now don’t mistake me for some stuck up prep, I am not like that at all. It is not like I know I can get guys, and I know I wear the cutest clothes, and I know that I am the hottest thing since pizza was served in the cafeteria, but let’s face it. I have the greenest eyes you have ever seen. (Most people think I have some kind of Italian in me) My hair is the color of midnight and it goes great against my pale face. I have always been able to eat the world and not gain anything. Actually last thanksgiving when I pigged out on food I lost weight and my sister was so jealous she ran 5 miles trying to lose all the weight she had gained and then some. I found it rather funny and kept on eating. I am about the laziest girl on the planet earth, and yet I can maintain a pretty good figure. (Thank you God) I know they say personality is the root of a relationship, but people in high school can’t see past the pretty face. So the girl is flawless, but she is going to wreck the man’s life that gets with her.
It all starts harmless. Basic rules like, no talking to other girls, then she take it up a notch to no hanging with his friends, then it is just expected that he better spend all his time with her that he has, and when he is not with her he better be working so they can afford that Barbie doll house she is expecting after their on the beach wedding. After she is sure she has all of this, she plans to have two kids; a girl and a boy, and then live happily ever after. She planned this within a matter of years, and decides to dish it onto her first victim. Oh sorry let me politically correct myself “boyfriend.” He signed up for so much more than being a boyfriend, and once she becomes attached she will make it her goal to do everything in her will power to make sure her man stays with her. If he dumps her, she will tell everyone some made up stuff that is scandalous and not good for his popularity. If she decides he is not the right one she will make it a big scene when dumping him, and still make his life a living hell. Either way, this man had no idea what he was getting into when he asked
“will you go out with me.”
I would probably be just like these people except for the fact that I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been faced with the problem of claiming a boy as mine, or being popular and him being popular too (because frankly there is no him). I have never controlled anyone, not even myself. When I get angry you could say it is like the end of the world or so my mother says. I get depressed often, and I am totally insecure. I don’t even try to act like anyone else, because I don’t want to be the shallow chick that doesn’t have empathy for anyone. I mean I am not a narcissist but I really don’t have empathy for anyone. I like to do my own thing and have no one get in the way, and that is why I decided to make my own routine. Things go my way or no way.
Chapter 1
I stare down the road and I see darkness. No lights are on, and it seems as though no human has lived through this hell, and I am left walking alone. I have been walking for some time now. I feel as though I am at a breaking point. What do you say when you are at a loss for words? That’s the whole point. You say whatever is on your mind at the time, and that’s exactly what I do. If I am stressed call it as you see, I might say something on the border line of
“Shut up I am not in the mood,” or I may say something like, “I want to die!”
I realize I am tired of walking. I am tired of wandering through the streets figuring nothing out, as the cool air brushes my pale face. The dew of the ground seems to fill the air. It is dense outside, and suddenly I am suffocating. I am claustrophobic though only surrounded by a few houses and darkness. I am breathless, but my breath is the only thing I hear. It is silent but my hearts pounding fills the air like the sound of a thousand drummers playing together louder and louder. I am not sure why I am walking anymore and I start to head towards the place I call home. This place isn’t really my home, because in order to have a home you have to have love. Love is one of those emotions I do not get at all; in fact I am pretty sure I have never felt love. I don’t think I have ever loved in my life, and I’m not convinced that I have ever been truly loved for all I am. This makes depression even more of a burden. If you don’t know what love is and that is what the doctor prescribes you are pretty much screwed. I have visited a million doctors and none of them really get me, really understand what is wrong. None of them can really help me because what I need is love, and I am just a client to them, money, just another case, I mean nothing to them at all. I try to make my parents happy by putting on a fake smile and pretending everything is okay, but it is honestly just so they won’t take me back to those people who are so cruel. They listen to peoples problems and try to give advice based on their own experience but they will never truly understand, they are a waste of my time as much as I am a waste of theirs. Sometimes I feel like I want to die, but I feel it’s too shallow to say that. I want to die because I’m tired of being me, of being this outcast; I am simply tired of living a lie. I am tired of putting on this fake smile for my parents, for my neighbors, classmates, teachers, and therapist. I am sick of being lonely. I am love sick…
Now I am walking, walking faster and faster, and faster. I may be getting nowhere but I try very hard to sustain the sanity I have left. I need this time alone to myself. I need to be alone, period! I don’t work well with other people, they’ll never understand me. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to say I have a best friend, to not be walking alone now, but I don’t need anyone I am content by myself. They would just get in my way anyways. It would probably be some girl with a lot of problems wrong with her. She would be severely nerdy and, tell me about her acne medication or something that went wrong with her bladder. The other choice would be for me to have an emotional friend like myself, only she would be ten times worse than I am.
“I want to kill myself! I can’t believe Dylan dumped me, can you? Why is it always me with the problems I swear God hates me. Are you even listening?!”
I would probably at this moment in time have to kill myself. That is another reason I know I don’t have friends. No one likes downer, and I am about as down as it gets. I am confident in myself though and I know I am better off without people.
I finally make it home and head straight to my room. I try not to make eye contact with anyone because I know they would say something to me and make me hang with the family. Right now I want to cozy up to a book and crash like I won’t wake up tomorrow. I make it to my bed, and I can’t even think about a book. I close my eyes and fall fast asleep, and dread going to school tomorrow. I don’t dream about anything because I have no dreams. I am finally alone again in my own head, with my own thoughts, with no dreams, no hopes, but nothing to fear either. I am content.
For some reason I always wait on the edge of the sidewalk forty-five minutes early for the bus. I am not so sure why I do this; I just seem to like spending time with myself. I get on the bus, and sudden glances and whistles fill the air. I just roll my eyes, find the nearest seat and sit staring out the window. I forget about being on the bus, I look at the landscape. It is my escape from this so called normal world. Then I see my sister come running down the street waving her arms like a frantic maniac, urging the bus to halt so she can get on. As she enters heads turn and whistles go on and on. However unlike me she likes it. She flirts back, winks or waves or smiles. She sits next to this one guy who seems to like her. She seems to like his attention, but I do not really care if they are together or not, so I never ask. Then she sees me and says
“Hey sis, cheer up life is great!” and gives the cheesy smile. I just give her that same cheesy smile back, except with certain gloominess to it. Then I return to my window, and I watch as we pass each house. Sometimes I feel like I am so distant I count every brick on each house.
We get to school and there’s nothing left to say. I rush off to my first period, with my head slightly tilted towards the ground, and my sister waves at me and says
“Have a great day sis, I love you,” And I just walk away very fast pretending she did not just say that, because she only does it for attention.
I sit in my first period class where people seem to ignore me. Even the teacher gets my name wrong, and I have been in his class for 3 years. I feel like an outcast, but I suppose it is good for me. I can sit there and do what I please and no one bothers me. Except for some kids who seem to think making fun of my shyness is fun. How do you get pleasure out of something like that? I have never been exactly sure of how to answer that. The next thing I know the bell rings and I am off to do the same things at least 7 more times. The only place I feel like I fit in is in the library. I am the quiet kid that likes to read books, and of course books all about vampires. I guess the reason I am really into it is because it is about relationships, true love that I never really get to see. The other thing is that vampires are mysterious like I am. No one can figure them out, no one really knows who they are and they are dark and sleek and good looking. Not that I am good looking as I said before, I don’t admit those things, but I fit all the other characteristics. Sometimes I secretly wish I could get bit by a vampire and become one of them. I could than get everything I wanted. I would be dead but not really dead because I would still be living amongst humans. I could also be around other people whom are like me, and except me as I am. Maybe just maybe I would be loved for once. This is only one period of my day though. I go in there during lunch and I dive into books, and I write sad stories and poems and I act like the morbid self I am. Today there is this guy that is bugging me though. I am trying to read my book and I don’t need anyone like I said and he comes over and plops down on the couch next to me like I invited him over there.
“Hey cutie” he says, “I was just wondering what you are reading” as he winks at me.
“Umm go away,” I said, “why are you even here if I may ask?”
“I told you I am curious what book you got there.”
“Well if you are so curious than maybe you should read the cover and then go check the book out yourself hmm?”
“I like it over here though; it’s kind of cozy, like cozy corner or something?”
“That was clever… not really. Cozy corner sounds stupid and I am not the slightest bit cozy with you understand?”
“Oh I understand, you think that you should just be alone all the time. I watch you walk around the neighborhoods, and I watch you in every class where you could set a bomb off and no one would notice. I have read some of your poems on the blog you created that I saw you typing on, and they are pretty good. I published one of your stories because it was pretty epic. You my friend always want to be alone; you don’t want anyone’s company ever. I won’t let you keep doing this to yourself though; I need you as much as you need me. So tell me what you’re reading and we will start from there.” He smiled and my eyes got big.
“You are a stalker! A straight up pedophilic stalker! I am telling the teach…” He covered my mouth so I was mumbling.
“Shh! Look I don’t stalk you, I am just very into you. I am sorry if I came on as creepy because now that I think of it that is really creepy, but I only care about you. I really care about you Luna.”
I had never heard anything like this in my entire life and I couldn’t believe he had just said anything like that. I thought he was closing my mouth so I didn’t snitch (which he partially was) but this was the first time a guy had actually been into me at all. This was the first time I have really had anyone come reach out to me, and want to be with me, to care about me at all. Maybe this wasn’t a love story but there was something about this guy that made me want to be around him now. He than uncovered my mouth and let me speak.
“How about we start with our names, and since you already know mine I guess you should just tell yours.”
“The name is Zander. And I am sorry again for seeming to be really creepy. You must hate me.”
“I don’t hate you; you are like the only person that has ever cared about me. But I am not so sure I am ready for all this relationship stuff or to like really get into anything until I know for certain whom you are. From now on if you see me walking come walk with me, and if you like my poems tell me you’re reading them, and why the heck would you publish my story without my permission?”
“I knew you would never go for it, you’re not like those other preps in the school that will do anything for fame. Those stories are morbid and detailed, and they resemble who you are. It is not some fairytale it is kind of serious stuff, but I also know a bunch of Goth kids that would be really into that, so I decided to do it.”
“Well next time ask mmk?”
“Deal!” he smiled and I finally noticed for the first time he wasn’t half bad looking. He had dark hair like mine and sky blue eyes. He was pretty pale and seemed very tiny and weak. He was about six foot three and toward over me, (which in my opinion makes guys look even better) but the thing I noticed the most was his teeth. His two canine teeth were huge and rather pointy. I could tell he knew I was looking at them and he ran his tongue across them smirking. I decided at this moment to turn away, I could not be falling for anyone.
I tried hard not to look him in the eyes because I knew I would get lost. And although I insisted on reading, Zander wanted to sleep and he refused to sleep unless I slept too. I made a deal and cuddled up to his chest, than I grabbed the book I had been reading and tried to keep reading it. He kept his arms around my waist and fell fast asleep. I just smiled and kept reading trying to figure a way to slide out of his arms. I really couldn’t focus on anything but those teeth, it looks like they had gotten smaller and I was so confused. I wanted to know how to escape, I also wanted to read my book, and I did not want to fall for anyone so I knew this was helpless and decided just to wake him up. I tapped his shoulder and he woke up groggily.
“What is it beautiful,” he mumbled.
“I don’t know if I am ready to sleep with a guy I just met, I mean I barely know anything about you.” His eyes suddenly got big and he let go of my waist.
“No,no,no! I… I never said I wanted to sleep with you, not that I don’t…but I would never…” This time it was me who covered his mouth.
“I didn’t mean it like that; I meant were too close already.”
The next thing I knew the bell was ringing and I was sprinting off towards my next class. I didn’t even look back I just kept going and when I got to class I sank down into my chair. I was getting feelings and I wanted them to go away. Go away and never come back. He hadn’t followed me it seemed, secretly I wish he would have that would have been romantic. Romance and I don’t go together at all. I don’t need anyone so I think.
I raced to my classes after every bell. I stared at the door to see if he would come after me. He never came into a class or decided to stalk me some more so I thought maybe he realized I was weird, and I probably don’t have a fan club anymore. So I decided to stop worrying and walk out to the bus but boy was that a bad idea. He grabbed my arm and I nearly peed my pants.
“Why did you run away from me all day?” (So he had noticed)
“Why didn’t you come after me?”
“Because Luna, I am not a stalker like I said, I am sorry I wasted your time.” He thrusted some papers at me and stormed away. I looked down at them curiously and headed off to the bus. I climbed onto the bus took my seat and started reading.
Dark and mysterious she sits in the corner reading. Black silk runs down her pale face and her eyes are filled with lust. She is a mystery, but I am determined to figure her out. She is shy and quiet but I know inside that little mind of her she is devious, dark, shy, and alone. That is what she is… alone. She is bitter and fragile and cold to the touch. Some might say she doesn’t have a pulse and the blood that runs through her veins is black, but I know differently. She is a walker. She lives among the living but she is mostly dead. She fights the urges to kill a man with one bite. She hides among the crowds and pretends to fit in but she sticks out like a sore thumb. She has no sense of this world and yet she is completely invisible. She laughs at those who try to get close walking away unseen, unheard, untouched. I know these things because I can see her. I can see when she hides in the corners of the archive. I see her when she becomes this walker, no longer of mind but of sense, of emotions. I know she could kill a man with the sting of her words because I have felt it. To her I am one of the lesser things, I am the invisible one. To everyone else I exist, but also to her everyone else exists too. She just hides from them as I hide from her. I can’t take this any longer though, I must confront the maiden. She is too lovely for humanly words to describe, so I will speak in our tongue. Darling you are the blood I seek, the sun I hide from, and the lust I want. She shall see me and one day I will be sure of that. She wants to see me but she doesn’t know she wants to see me. I will die without her and she will die with me. She is my dark angel, scene but not heard. I love her and I must tell her before it is too late.
As I read these words my heart skipped two beats, I did not know that was humanly possible, but it happened. It wasn’t a good skip it was more of a panic. He wanted to die and drag me with him. I was not willing to give up my life for some guy I had just met.
I was alone, just like he had said. He knew more about me than I really wanted to know about myself. I was alone and he told me he wouldn’t let me be this way. The way he described it meant he was going to die and take me with him. I didn’t want to die, how could I have been so blind? He also described me as a monster, some dark creature that I am not. At that moment I decided that I was going to avoid him at all cost, and maybe even start becoming one of them… preppy.
I leave school, and I figure I would walk home today. I hate riding the bus with my sister, and all those kids snickering about me, and conversing about me. I get home before Chastity, and of course my sister wants to know why I got home before her. As I stare at my homework silent. She slams my book shut and gives me the most pissed off look I have seen in a while. I have this feeling she’s going to ask me why I am home before her, but of course not. The next thing I know I am in an hour long conversation that I did not sign up for. I listen to her talk about what Danny did, and what Danny did not do and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I am in despair as I put my head down. All I can think about is Zander, and how to avoid him. And she smacks the table and screams
“NOW YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TOO?!?!”
She seems to have stomped away, because as I go to say
“Of course I was”, I turn around to see nothing.
In my mind I know I should apologize, but I also know that would only lead to her talking more and more. I might as well let her sweat it out, and finish my homework. I got up to my room and I couldn’t even believe that I was sitting here by myself. He could be anywhere, he knew my flaw. What was I supposed to do?
The next day was expected to be the same routine as every other day, however it was definitely not. Of course I get to the corner where my bus comes 45 minutes early. Expecting to sit and ponder on my own thoughts and what I was going to do about today. Yet when I get there, some kid is sitting in MY spot and I suddenly feel my cheeks getting bright red…and I want to kill him. I quietly walk over to the stop and I decide to pick a new spot. Who needs that spot anyways? But you do have to wonder why he was there so early. So of course me being me, I had to ask why. It came out something like
“Hey kid why are you here so damn early…and that’s my spot by the way!” as he stares at me.
He starts giving me that joking smile, one that I have not seen from my parents or sister or myself, or anyone for that matter of fact. It made me confused. I squinted my eyes confused, because I truly was. Then the next thing I know he’s reaching out his hand saying,
“Hi my name is Brian.”
I look at his hand, then look at him and turn away in disgust. He just chuckles slightly and starts talking to me like I am actually listening.
“I was not expecting anyone else to come so soon. That’s why I am here; to clear my mind, ponder on my own thoughts. I did not know this was your territory, please excuse me for that.”
Then I must have turned around and actually listened because I found myself staring at “Brian” with my jaw dropped so far down, I do not think the paramedics could have gotten it up. He smiles then says
“So why are you here?” and I seem to say
“For the same reason…”
It’s than that I start to notice how he looks. He looks a lot like Zander except he is a bit more beautiful, and I know a guy is not supposed to be beautiful but he is. He had deep black hair like mine, and the prettiest black eyes I have ever seen. He appeared to be Asian and I did not mind that at all. He was a boy that eventually all girls would fall for. I knew this in my mind and decided to snap out of it. The next thing I know my hand is hitting my face, and I feel my self blushing up a storm. How can you slap yourself in front of someone so beautiful, so nice, and someone you really like? He sees me blushing, and I am not sure if he has figured out that I like him yet, or if he’s just wondering why I just slapped myself. But he does not waste time to say
“You know you look really pretty”, then slightly turns his head away.
I start the blushing thing again, but this time its okay because he complimented me, and no one does that. Then I start saying
“Thanks, but I am definitely not pretty.”
The bus is coming, and I find myself weary, and falling for a guy I have only known for 45 min…
I am sitting next to him on the bus, and I am neglecting the houses next to me. I am not looking out the window today; I am not looking at anything but Brian. Of course though here comes my stupid sister. She gets on the bus, and looks straight at me seeing that I am not alone today; she has to ask
“Who is that?”
I roll my eyes as she sits down, and I say
“Chasity, this is Brian”, “Brian this is my horrible sister Chasity.”
I find myself now yelling at Chasity
“ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!”
I know she thinks he is cute, and she does all she can to flirt with him. She’s telling him how cute he is, and winks at him, and grabs at his hand as he pulls away. Although I was prettier than she, I was nobody and soon enough he would fall for my sister and I would be lonely again. My heart started to pace as I glared at Chasity and than I look over at Brian who is giving me the HELP ME look, and I seem to smile, and say okay but you have to pretend to be my boy friend. I did not just think that… I do not want a boyfriend I AM LUNA ALONE! I have made sure to keep my dignity by never needing anyone I could do this all on my own, I could hold Zander off, I could move out on my own, go to college on my own, cook dinner on my own, eat alone, sleep alone, pray alone, I could just be alone forever! I did not realize I had actually said it to him until I got a reply of
“Why would I pretend?”
If he had not of smiled, I would not have understood that that meant that he wanted to be my boy friend. I was smiling inside, outside, and I was actually happy, and lets’ be honest… I am never happy. As Chasity is still tugging at him trying to get him to like her, he finally says, no sorry I am with your sister. The next thing I know he looks at me and kisses me on the cheek. He grabs for my hand, and I start to panic. This is turning into Zander all over again except that I didn’t want Zander. I’ve never felt like this before, I have never cared so much about a guy, or anyone for that matter of fact. I have never even loved myself, and yet I find myself longing to be with Brian. I do not ever want to leave the bus, as I snuggle my head up to his warm chest. And I am no longer alone.
We get off the bus, and I think Chasity hates me now, she gives me this look like your going to pay sister, oh your gonna pay. I do not give a flipping crap whether she hates me or not, I have Brian and he’s good enough for me. I hug him and I find myself not wanting to let go, as we walk in the building his arm around my waist. He looks at his schedule, and he appears to have the same first period as me, so we walk there together. I sit in the corner of the room, and no one sits next to me, yet. And then Brian is getting told to sit next to me. The teacher whispers something on the lines of
“I know she is weird, but just try to get along with her”, to Brian, and he gets a really ticked look. He seems to say back,
“Oh Sr. really, because that’s my girlfriend your talking about and she’s not the slightest bit weird.”
He walks away very upset by what the teacher has said. He sits next to me and smiles and says,
“Does everyone think you’re weird?”
I suddenly feel like he is going to turn on me and I stutter,
“Yes but its only because I do not really talk or anything, I am kind of shy if you know what I mean.” He just hugs me and says
“Well you’re not weird, and I like you very much.”
He only had a few more classes with me and second period wasn’t one of them. As the first period bell rang we walked holding hands down the hallways, talking about everything and anything we could. When we finally made it to class people were staring. I tilted my head down embarrassed and started to pull away from him. No one could believe I had a boyfriend and he was gorgeous as ever. He pulled me back over and whispered,
“Luna… you don’t have to be ashamed of yourself you are the most beautiful girl in the world.”
With that I reached up and touched his face and leaned in and kissed him. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all but it felt so right. He kissed me back and went off to find his second period. I sat down in class glowing from what had just occurred. People stared at me with their jaws dropped and I finally felt important.
“So what’s his name Lulu,” some girl shouted from across the room. “And what does he want with a measly girl like you?”
I sank back in my chair and decided to text Brian. The teacher never noticed because he never noticed me just like Zander had said, but Brian was a new student and handsome at that so it took him a while to text back. I was worrying and I won’t lie about it. I liked him so much it hurt to see other girls even look at him, but he was mine and that was good enough.
I had nearly forgotten all about Zander when I arrived to the library. I didn’t even think I could concentrate on my book today, I would probably just be day dreaming and forgetting about everything because I liked this boy so much. I wanted to know everything about him and I wanted to know now. Brian had snuck out for lunch so he texted me that he could text me. I decided to use the library time to get to know him. That is when everything seemed to change. Zander walked in and I wasn’t even paying attention.
He plopped down on the couch next to me just like he had done yesterday except he looked angry.
“Who is this f’ing Brian kid I have heard so much about?”
“Hey don’t cuss!” he right than grabbed my throat and started to choke me.
“Get off of me,” I mumbled under what little breath I had left.
I tried to scream because that is what they teach you to do, but nothing was coming out. I open my phone and texted Brian.
Help I can’t breathe! Boygil;saafdson help! 
At this point I was almost in the state of being unconscious when Brian ran in. He threw Zander off of me like he weighed nothing; he then scooped me up in his arms and started to run away. After a few paces all I saw was darkness I was alone.
Chapter 3
Brian must have brought me to the nurse and left me here alone. When I woke up he was no where to be found. The first thought that popped into my head is that Brian was probably sitting in the discipline office right now. Than it occurred to me what had actually happened. My throat began to ache and I went to ask for some water. Now that I really thought about it how had Brian gotten there so quick… I had nearly texted him 2 minutes before he comes bursting through the door for my rescue. Had he been here the whole time? I wasn’t sure but I knew that Zander was not this nice guy he had pretended to be for a little while. I even wonder why he had told me his plan to kill me because he knew I would avoid him…right?
The silence was broken but I turned around and there was no one there.
“No one sees you like you don’t see me.”
“Get out of my head right now,” I screamed! The nurse suddenly appeared and seemed startled.
“Oh dear you have woken up.” I than heard Zander’s voice again.
“I can’t take it anymore, she doesn’t see me… but she will.”
I stared up at the nurse blankly for a second than snapped back to reality.
“Um, yea can I just go…?”
“Yes, go back to your eighth…” Just than the bell rang, and kids started to flood the hallway rushing off to find there buses and climb into cars. I got super dizzy and nauseous but I ran to my bus anyways.
I look all around as I wait for the bus to arrive. The bell has rung and I find myself now wanting to ride the bus. I wanted to get away from Zander and be closer to Brian. He had eeriness like Zander’s but it made me feel happy. For once I was telling myself not to overreact, and to stop being too happy. I can not remember a time that has happened to me. Our bus of course strolls in late, and I am left standing in the frigged cold. I look around to see if Brian is there, but then there’s nothing. I do not even see my sister, and that made my cheeks sparkle like the peel of an apple. I approached this “Danny” kid because I knew he and my sister were an item and he had to know where she was.
“Um… do you happen to know where my sister is?” At least that’s how it came out.
He looked at me for a second wondering who I was, and why I was talking to him. Then like a stupid person he had to ask,
“Who are you?”
I felt my cheeks turning redder; my ears were probably steaming now.
“I just want to know where Chasity is! Can no one tell me where my freaking sister is?!?”
I started to feel embarrassed; I had managed to look stupid again in front of everyone on my bus. The bus was coming down the street, and I panicked because yet again I was alone.
Every time I am alone something goes wrong. Zander had always been the center of it but I had never really seen it. He was right about me not seeing him the way everyone doesn’t see me. I never saw Zander Bowser watching me out his windows, or reading my poems behind me, or memorizing how I looked and acted, and I never saw his lust for me, or the rage that hid behind his deep blue eyes. I had never noticed him and it was because he was just as alone as I was. However no one cared about my weakness but him. Zander had some kind of dark manner to him and had made it his personal goals to not only make me see him, but to understand what it is truly like being me.
I had never cared about being alone. Like I said I had always thought about being with people and being really popular, but it had just never really happened for me. I had dealt with it, I played with the hand I was given. I got over the fact that my sister had totally ruined any chance of a social life I could be given. I had decided I never wanted to fall in love because there is too much that I just can’t do as a girlfriend, and the fact that I just could not find someone that is for me. I had decided I liked being ignored and it gave me the chance to be who I am! Zander was going to make me suffer the way he is suffering. He had not come to terms of being alone. I was another alone person and he wanted to drag me with him down to his grave so he would finally not be alone. His plan was to make us the two alone people who found each other and were finally happy. This could have happened but he had gone to the extreme level. He wanted to die together which in some romance novel would have been cute but he wanted to die and he wanted to die now.
I got on the bus as quickly as possible. I hid my face by staring out the window just like I used to. This time there was no Brian or Chasity. I realized I was fully alone. I also got off the bus almost as swiftly and smoothly as I got on, the only problem was my invisible shadow. As I got off the bus I almost made it off, however I hit the last step and plump, down went the weasel. Even the bus driver laughed, and then pretended to care because it’s her job. I really started crying in my mind, and as I look up I see Brian standing there with a panicked look on his face. He wastes no time to spurt out
“Are you okay?” I feel somewhat calmer now, and I am able to mutter
“Yes I am fine.”
I get up and brush my legs off. My knee is stinging really badly and I groan. I did not want to seem like a pushy girlfriend, but that’s how I was. As the bus pulls away I seem to scream
“Why were you not there”?!?
I am getting all tingly inside, finding myself so upset that I could just kill him. I look at his face as he is searching for an answer, still speechless of what to say.
“Ugh! Fine than I am leaving,” then I stormed away. Down the street I walk, only going farther away from my love which I did not know at the time was a bad idea.
He started to come after me, frantically waving his arms around exclaiming
“Luna, wait I am so sorry”. Then I said
“forget it, just go home Brian, just forget about me.”
I was so mad at the time; I did not know any better that I had said what was on my mind. The thing on my mind at the time though happened to be very bad. I just kept walking down the street thinking in my mind, how could he? The street was so long now, and it was getting colder and colder, what was I supposed to think when I refused to be happy.
Chapter 4
I get home and Chasity is sitting there on the couch. She looks up and notices me, while trying to greet me and I storm away. She seems to say
“Hello my lovely sister.”
I wanted to punch her in the face because she had gotten home when Brian did, which meant in my mind they were together. I ran to my room and burrowed my head in my pillow, as the water works began. I felt so, so vulnerable. I had never been in love, been loved, or felt so vulnerable in my life. Now I just wanted to get away, I wanted to escape everything. I ate dinner quietly, and then went back to my room. I read the journal about me and Brian I had read in class, and I almost ripped it up. However right before I ripped it up, I noticed the last line said
“Brian is human remember that Luna.”
It made me somewhat depressed, because I had known this would happen and had written myself a note. I ignored it!
I called Brian at least ten times that night, and every time I did I thought of something new to add, or to say. I kept getting his voice mail and would listen just to hear his voice one last time. I went to the bus 45 min. early as always. I needed the time to clear my head, and I could still do that with Brian sitting there. I expected to see him there, I wanted a conflict. He was not there though. He was not there that day or the next or the next. I got so worried at what was happening. What if he had gotten so upset at me he was not coming to school? Or what if he had to move and he tried to tell me and I ignored it. What if he had gotten suspended for fighting Zander? I did not care what the reason was at the time, it just hit me that my love was gone. I was so alone again, and I partially blamed myself. When you have a low self esteem and a stubborn head like I do, it’s hard not to… I waited and waited and waited for him to come, but he never did.
Thanksgiving was coming up, and unfortunately my sister told my parents that I had a boyfriend, so it was going to be a couple dinner. There was only one slight problem to that. I did not have a boyfriend anymore. My so called love of my life went poof. He decided to pick up his whole life and leave me to be alone. So I had to find someone else to take his place. The only problem with that was that I liked no one, and no one liked me. I went to the bus 45 min. early, still hoping Brian might be there, but he was not. I started thinking about the thanksgiving thing, and then wondered who Chasity was taking, or my cousin Cory was taking. Chasity actually came somewhat early today, so I asked her
“Who are you going with?” She replied swiftly and with a smile
“Oh I am going with Chris.”
“Who the heck is Chris?” I asked.
She started to giggle and said “My boyfriend you silly goose.”
I was shocked because I was sure she would go with Danny. I asked about Danny and she told me that Chris was his best friend, and blah blah blah. I was so confused and decided not to ask her anymore. My tiny dead brain could only handle so much, and she had gone over the top. Then when I was on the bus, I actually stopped and looked. Chasity was with a new guy and she seemed to like him very much. I look over to the window seat behind them and there sits Danny, he looked so depressed, different then the normal preppy Danny. I could not stop myself from actually slipping a greeting, and I found myself saying
“Umm are you okay?”
I did not really care if he was or not, but lately my emotions got the best of me. Danny looked up and looked even worse then when he had just been the hooded kid Danny. The smell and taste of being alone filled the air. Depression and total regret was the greeting I got from him as he mumbled
“Yes I am fine thanks.”
He turned away again and I felt depressed too. I knew what it was like to be totally abandoned and not knowing why. The next thing I knew I was sitting next to Danny, and I was trying to comfort him. I laid my head on his shoulder and started to cry slightly. He did not look at me like I was weird, but he put his arm around me and embraced me. He put his head on top of mine and the rest of the way to school we sat depressed and sleepy.
As we got off the bus he grabbed for my hand, it made me think of Brian and I became worried. What if Brian comes back, he would be so disappointed. So I pulled away slightly and Danny gave me the most depressed puppy dog looks ever, begging me please do not leave me. So I held his hand as he pulled me close to him. We walked hand in hand and closer then anything up to the school. We started to pass Chasity, and she noticed this chaos happening. She came over and broke our hands apart and did not fail to yell
“What do you think you are doing?”
I knew somewhat she was jealous, but at the same time she had Chris. I hated my sister being jealous, because she got everything and it was my turn. Just at that moment I started to lay down the law.
“Shut up Chasity, you have no right to talk; you get everything so leave my boyfriend and me alone…NOW!”
I had just realized also at that second that I had called Danny my boyfriend. He gave me a look like we are dating?!? This look made me worried and sad at the same time, and I started to run to the bathroom crying as Danny chased after me. He however caught up with me, and said
“Luna please do not cry. I am sorry, I just did not know. I will be your boyfriend if you want me to.”
I just looked up and blinked. I had nothing to say, and I handed him the thanksgiving card and left him there speechless, and I walked to my first period of torture.
Chapter 5
Zander had not been here either in the past couple of weeks. I hadn’t even really noticed except that my conscious mind knew to pay attention, to be alert. I needed to avoid him as long as I could, and I knew this time I would have no one to help me. There was however a new kid lurking around the library who kept looking at me just like Zander had said he used to do. As the kid started to approach me I grew weary and afraid of what he was going to do.
“Hey I’m Zane, Zanders brother. Hmm… you are pretty just like my brother had said.”
He than licked his lips and looked like I was some meat that he was going to pounce on at any moment.
“Well you tell your creeper of a brother to leave me alone… I hate him!”
“Why hate him beautiful?”
“Um, maybe because he freakin attacked me and I am pretty sure your brother got the love of my life in trouble.”
“Brian… Ha, if anything Brian got my brother in trouble, but seriously please pardon my brother he was being oh so impatient, I promise you it will never happen again.”
“Oh you bet it won’t because your brother better not come within a foot of me or I’ll kick his you know what.”
He smirked and stared straight into my eyes as if he could see right through me. He talked to me as if I wasn’t there but he was talking to my spirit and it got cold.
“Oh don’t worry it won’t my dear, he is in a lot of trouble as it is. However I think you should reconsider him, pretend that choking never happened and maybe you’ll find that you can grow to… love him?”
Love?! How could I love a person who had nearly strangled me to death? I had barely been in love with Brian and now I was getting told to love Zander like nothing had ever happened. This was the most obscured thing I’d ever heard in my entire life.
“No I will never love your ruthless brother. Tell him to go die for all I care.”
“Oh Luna, I think you of all people know that he is planning on it.”
This actually made my spine tingle. He was telling me exactly what Zander was planning on doing. He knew that Zander wanted to die and he was okay with it. He wanted his own brother to commit suicide. He had more evil in him than Zander did and I started to see deep into his big blue eyes, seeing Zanders eyes screaming help me Luna I need you. She gasped and fell back on the couch and Zane started to chuckle.
“I’ll get you my little pretty and your pretty blood too.”
He left right after that not saying another word and Luna was scared out of her mind. Brian wasn’t there to protect her anymore, and neither was anyone else. But she realized she wasn’t alone. She was surrounded by these people watching her who she didn’t even know about. What if there were more like them, what if there was a whole clan? She was screwed and she chased after Zane in the hallway.
She stepped outside the library and looked both ways. He had just left and there was no way that he could get anywhere important in that amount of time. She turned around to look in the library scared out of her mind than turned back and Zane was standing right in front of her.
“Boo!”
“Oh my God how did you get there?”
“Magic darling magic.” He smirked and it made her stomach tie in knots.
“Tell me what happened. Where is Brian and where is Zander? What is he going to do with me, and why are you stalking me now?”
“Zander should be back very soon. Our daddy can get him off the hook, but as for your Brian, even if he does make it back soon he is dead. My father can’t let anyone take Zander’s true love away. Just forget about Brian, you get Zander.”
“What if I don’t even want Brian anymore? What if I have found someone new anyways, than what?”
“Hmm? Someone new?” He looked at me utterly confused as if someone had told him what to say and he didn’t know how to answer to this. “Who is this guy,” he said slyly.
“Oh you don’t know him? Well you will have to find out soon enough.”
I smiled because I had managed to keep my cool and he looked totally befuddled.
“I demand you to tell me who this fucker is.”
“Oh my goodness your language is not okay at all, you are just like your brother. Plus I will not let you harm another man of mine, go and tell your brother this news and tell him I want to meet him at his house today. Tell him to call me and I will come over tonight, and I will be spending the night understood Zane?”
“I don’t think my father would…”
“If your father is willing to go to the end of the earth to keep your brother happy, and in love, than he won’t mind me getting a little cozier to your brother true?”
“Ugh, you better not pull anything or else…”
“Or else what Zane? I will do what I please with your brother, and see to it that you don’t come in, or that no one comes in. I won’t be harming your brother, well not intently understood?”
I smirked and he became flushed, his cheeks turning rosy red.
“Yes that is right Zane, so promise me no one will be coming in okay?”
At that I turned away and walked into the library and Zane was gone before my eyes again.
The rest of the day went smoothly. I walked to class unafraid and thought out my plans for tonight. I was really starting to like Danny, but I had two men of mine missing and one I was going to see tonight. I had basically stated the idea that Zander and I were going to be pretty busy tonight doing “naughty” things, and he was on his way to tell Zander now.
I decided to walk home because I did not want to see Danny’s face before it was time to go over to Zander’s. I ran up to my room and packed my stuff quickly and dashed out the door before my sister would even know I was home. I had left a note on my bed saying I was staying the night over at a friend’s and that they shouldn’t worry because I am one tough cookie. I knew that I could handle myself, but I also knew that they wouldn’t buy that I was staying at a friends considering I don’t have friends. They would be worried sick about me all night but I had to do this. It was now or never.
I got the phone call about five minutes later the one I had been preparing for all day.
“Hello Luna…”
“Hello darling,” I said in a calm voice. “May I please have your address so I can get over there fast, I don’t have much time to linger around here.”
“Darling?”
“Look babe I don’t have much time like I said, do you want me to come over or not. It is your choice, make it now.”
“I mean I do but…”
“What is your address than?”
With a sigh he told me his house number and I gathered my stuff and dashed out the door. My sister Chasity was laughing her way home with some other girls and I had to duck behind the house. This was going to be a harder task getting there than I had planned for. I threw my stuff in the neighbor’s yard and began to jump fences. I did this for a couple of houses and than when she finally went inside our house I ran for the front sidewalk and began running down the street not really thinking about anything except Zander.
I finally made it up to his house and began to realize I did walk by his house everyday. I wasn’t as quiet as I remember because it was rush hour, it was when people were alive and the world no longer was solemn. I knocked on the door once and before I went to knock again the door flew open. Zane stood in front of me smirking just like he was always smirking at me.
“Hello beautiful… welcome to hell.”
“Thanks Zane now where is your brother?”
He pointed the way and I dashed through the door than settled to a slow walk looking around at this manor.
The house was humongous and hung with many paintings of people that were probably famous at some time, or where family from Ireland and very important people. There were fake knights everywhere and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Zane grabbed my arm and led the way.
“Come my dear I will lead you to his parlor.”
I didn’t question anything he was saying I simply followed and awaited Zander’s presence.
When I finally made it to Zander he was dressed in a black t-shirt and black skinny leg jeans that made him look even darker and a little bit hotter at that.
“That’s all I will be needing from you brother now scat. As for you come in.”
I headed in the doorway calmly and smiling at him. He closed the door behind me and I welcomed myself in.
“So why are you here?”
I didn’t say a word just stared up into his big blue eyes and started to reach out for his hands.
“I know you didn’t mean to choke me, maybe you thought I would like it and I was into that. Perhaps it was my fault and I am sorry for that.”
His eyes got big and he backed away.
“Sorry? I nearly tried to kill you Luna; I am the one that must apologize.” He dropped his chin and stared at the ground fidgeting with his hands. “I…”
I reached up and touched his chin, lifting his head I looked into his eyes.
“I love you Zander.”
T he words tasted bitter sweet on my tongue. I blushed a little bit and started to lean in to kiss him.
“Wait!” he pushed me away and looked down at my hands searching them. “Where is it?”
“Where is what Zander?” I gave him a puzzled look trying to understand what he was talking about.
“A weapon… you are trying to kill me aren’t you?”
“Zander, why would I bring all this stuff over to sleep in if I only wanted to kill you? I don’t wish to harm you at all… in fact you may harm me tonight. In the good way of course…”
His eyes started to go back down to their normal size and I pulled him towards me again.
“Please Zander trust me. I want to be yours at least for right now. I don’t want to be alone, and I want to know what it feels to be loved so please love me.” I blushed. “Kiss me now?”
Zander leaned in carefully still having his eyes on me and gently put his lips to mine. I pulled him even closer to me and ran my fingers through his long dark hair. He finally closed his eyes and deepened the kiss. He pulled me into his lap sitting back on the bed and than finally laid back completely, his arms wrapped around me tightly. I stopped kissing him and looked at him smiling.
“See now was that so bad?”
He just smiled and said,
“No, no it wasn’t.”
He ran his fingers through my hair and stared up into my eyes.
“Luna…”
“Yes babe?” He smiled at me saying this.
“It isn’t that I don’t want to sleep with you, but I really don’t want to sleep with you tonight. I really love you and well, I respect you too much to do that. Plus there must be another reason why you are over here besides to fondle me after I tried to choke you to death. I am sure my brother didn’t make my case any better either.”
“I have just been thinking, and I didn’t give you a fair chance. So here I am to give you a fair chance.”
“So if the sex is good you are going to stay with me?”
We both laughed at this and I reached down and hit his shoulder lightly.
“No that is not what I meant; I just mean that I just fell for Brian before giving you a chance.”
He instantly turned away as I said Brian’s name. His eyes looked so bitter as if any moment he was going to cry.
“Luna… he is much better than me. I understand why you would fall for him before me. It is just… I want to tell you something but I don’t think now is the right time. This will all make more sense in a little bit.”
“I don’t love Brian anymore.” He turned and looked at me almost pleading me to take those words back. “I saw him that day that you and him supposedly got in a fight. I ran away from him, I told him to just forget about me, and he did.”
“Luna he…”
“He didn’t care about me enough to call and say he was moving, or to say he was suspended or to tell me what was going on in the first place. But you Zander know everything there is to know about me, and you are here… you are here for me Zander.”
I leaned in closer to him practically breathing into his neck. He sighed and held me tighter than I have ever been held in my life. I realized he was very strong and that every time he held me I felt secure. Even while he was choking me, I knew I would make it because he was firm but he could honestly have killed me if he had wanted to.
“You were right.”
“About what,” He asked.
“You showed me what it was truly like being me, I was alone and I was trying to pretend that I didn’t care when honestly I did.”
“Luna, you weren’t alone anymore though… you found Brian.”
“I hopped into Brian’s lap because he was beautiful. You though Zander no more about me than I know about myself, and you care about me a lot. Please don’t do this to yourself. Stop wanting to be alone…”
“Luna, don’t give me permission…”
“I give you permission.”
I looked at him smiling and then saw him turning away avoiding my eyes at all cost. He shoved me off and I collapsed onto the floor.
“Luna get out! Go now and don’t come back!”
I nearly tumbled out the door with my bag being thrown at me and I ran for the door. I ran outside and down towards the street. I looked up at his windows and saw he was smirking at me licking his lips. I kept running down the street tears running down my cheek, and my heart beating rapidly. I ran home and climbed in my window and my sister was sitting there waiting.
“So you did get kicked out. I knew it wouldn’t take long.”
“Chasity, please get out…”
Chasity saw the sadness in my eyes and decided maybe it was best to leave now.
“Fine, but I am not done with you.”
She stamped out of my room and I collapsed onto my bed and made myself forget everything. I wanted to sleep now, I didn’t want to dream or think or do anything but sleep. I closed my eyes and forced blackness upon me.
The next morning I woke up to the smell of pancakes and French toast. I pulled my covers back climbed down from my little bed and ran down the stairs. I grabbed some pancakes and some milk and gulped it down and devoured my pancakes. When I was finished I rushed upstairs before anyone could ask any questions. I grabbed some clothes and went to take a shower, when Chasity knocked on the bathroom door.
“You have a visitor…”
I wrapped a towel around me thinking it was Zander here to apologize. I hopped out of the shower and ran to my room and told her to send them up. When the door opened and I was glowing outside I realized it wasn’t Zander standing at the door but Danny. He blushed and started to close the door.
“Oh my goodness I am so sorry.”
I covered myself up and said
“Hold on a minute let me just get dressed.”
I hurried and got dressed and tried to fix myself up so I looked decent.
“You can come in now.”
“Is everything all good in here? No naked models or anything.” He said as I smiled.
“There never were any.” I said
“So that’s what you think.”
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I have been missing you baby so I thought I would come over and give you these.”
He pulled out some flowers that had a card on them. I took a step back and opened the card that read: To my dearest Luna,
The answer is yes to both questions. I would love to join you and your family at the thanksgiving party. I promise to be on my best behavior, and your sister and I are on good terms now about me and you. 
I shivered as I read it and leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
“Awe, thank you so much for this… This means a lot to me.”
“Well I have to be going now, my mother wouldn’t want to know I am over at a girlfriends house anyways… don’t think she trust me much.”
“Ha ha. Understandable.”
He leaned in and tried to kiss me and I hesitated but I leaned him in with him anyways. He smiled and grabbed for my hand and stared deep into my eyes, as I tried to keep my gaze steady so I didn’t look like I was trying to avoid him. He then pulled away and left me standing there speechless and worried. I watched out my window as he walked away into the distance than gathered my stuff as my sister came up.
“Now we can double date. This will be so much fun Luna, wont it?”
I grabbed my stuff and started to run towards the door.
“Yes yes it will, whatever you want it to be. Bye Chasity, tell mom I might not be home for dinner.”
I ran down the stairs and towards the door and down the street without thinking anything. I just knew where I had to get to and how much time it would take me to get there.
When I knocked on their door it was almost as if they were expecting me. Zane opened the door again and didn’t smirk at me like he usually did.
“Luna what are you doing here? I thought he told you not to come back.”
“I can’t just live with that, I can’t except that he doesn’t want me, and I want to know why he doesn’t want me.”
“Luna go home…” He tried to shut the door on me but I instantaneously ran through the door and stomped towards Zander’s room. I flung open his door and barged in furiously. He was lying on his bed and the room was very dark. He looked up at me groggily and rubbed his eyes.
“Luna…”
“Yes its Luna now get up and tell me why you don’t love me!”
“Luna… I thought I told you not to come back. Leave me alone.” He said this calmly but I could hear the hurt in his voice as he tried to shoo me away.
“I won’t be leaving, either you tell me why you won’t love me or I will do something stupid.”
“Oh, and what will you do hmm? Come back after I specifically told you not to.”
I pulled the knife out of my pocket and held it to my wrist.
“Don’t tempt me.”
“Luna! What the hell do you think you are doing?”
He ran over and tried to grab the knife out of my hand but I wasn’t going to let go of it, not without my answer. I stared him straight in the eyes steady and hurt and feeling ashamed. I made it go closer to my wrist and screamed as it slit my wrist. I looked down shocked I had done it and I was no bleeding.
“Luna! Oh my god what have you done!”
I dropped the knife trying to keep my cool, but the pool of blood dripping from my wrist was making me weary. The world started to spin below me and I found myself passing out.
“Luna stay with me! Can you hear me! Luna please!”
He ripped his shirt off fast and wrapped my wrist in it. He slammed the door shut and picked me up like I weighed nothing and laid me on his bed.
“I just wanted to know…” I murmured as I began to cry.
“Luna I never said I didn’t love you okay. I love you more than you will ever know, but you can’t have me or Brian. Forget about us both please, I am sorry I did this to you.”
“Don’t leave me please I love you I really love you just don’t leave me.”
I kept crying this out loud and the more I said it the more Zander ignored my eyes and tried to focus on stopping the bleeding. I could see he was fighting off the urge to do something, but the something I could not tell what.
“Don’t fight it Zander… do what you want to me.”
“Luna! Why are you making this so damn hard on me?”
He started to grab my wrist harder and pinned me against the bed. I smirked not knowing exactly what was going on but I wanted him to hurt me, to make me feel good at the same time.
“You want me to do it? You want me to hurt you?”
I nodded and the tears stopped running down my cheek. I was ready for this; I was finally ready to get what I wanted. Just then I opened my eyes and stared at him in disbelief. His eyes were now red with a yellow dot in the middle, and his canines were very long and pointy now.
“I told you not to come back. I told you I couldn’t be around you Luna. But you can’t take no for an answer can you? Do you like what you see… yeah that’s right I am a vamp and so is your little God Brian. Now you’re going to suffer, suffer and become one of us.”
He sank his teeth into my neck and I could feel all the blood rushing to my head.
“Stop! Please stop and let me go!”
I wiggled around and tried to get my wrist from his grasp but it was too late. He was now on top of me draining all the blood from my body and it would soon be over.
Zane barged through the door and grabbed Zander and threw him off me. Zander was ravished and attacked Zane saying leave me alone, let me devour her. Zane tried to pin him against the wall and I lay there helpless, a damsel in distress.
“Zander let her live at least! You love her and now she will be one of us, no sense in killing her too.”
Zander wiped the blood off his lips and looked at me turning pale on his bed. His eyes started to go deep blue again with a little hint of gray which I sensed meant he had gone angry and was still hazy. His teeth sank back into his mouth and he clasped his hands over his mouth.
“What have I done brother? Get me something to bind up her wounds.”
Zane ran out of the room to get something to wrap my neck in while Zander ran to my side crying.
“Does it hurt? Can you hear me Luna?”
I looked up at him wearily and touched his face.
“It’s not your fault…you tried to warn me but I wouldn’t-”
“Luna this is not your fault babe. I am so sorry; the smell of your blood drove me insane. Our law says that I can only bite you if you consent to it, and you kept telling me to, my urges they were just too…”
I closed my eyes and saw stars floating above me.
“How do you not go crazy at school when people bleed?”
He laughed at me as I started to smile. He brushed back my hair and kissed my forehead.
“I remind myself how terrible it is to be this way, and that I shouldn’t put it on anyone else. That and the law forbids me from biting anyone…unless they consent of course. There is a tricky part to the law though, because some people have biting fetishes and just irrationally say bite me not knowing what I can do to them, so we pretty much aren’t allowed to bite at all. We just eat raw meat from animals, which is okay with everyone else. However when we are at school or out at a restaurant the meats aren’t raw so we have to have a blood supplement, which means we have to go to a restroom or somewhere private and drink a little packet of blood and then we can eat whatever we like. Oh Luna I am so sorry I put this upon you, please forgive me.”
I pulled him down to my lips and kissed him deeply than smiled up at him as if everything were alright though it was clearly not.
“You know how I told you last night I couldn’t have sex with you because basically I wasn’t ready?”
“Yeah what about it?”
“Well…I couldn’t have sex with you because I would hurt you, and if you got pregnant the baby inside you would kill you and I couldn’t have that.”
I don’t know why this didn’t surprise me. The truth was that all of this information, everything that had just happened should have surprised me but it didn’t. It all just seemed to happen so fast, and it was like I was slipping under into a new world.
“I want to live with you now.” I said without thinking.
He looked at me cautiously.
“I think the fever is getting to you dear, I will go find Zane and the supplies and be right back.”
I grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him back.
“No, I am going to become one of you now like Zane said. My parents won’t understand and I can’t risk biting someone. I need training. You have lived with this your whole life and have grown up with vampires. I won’t know what to do when people start bleeding…and I need you.”
“Luna do you want to know something?”
“There is more to know?!”
“Ha ha very funny. Yes there is more to know. Brian is a vampire too, but he is one of the beautiful ones. He is what we call a dark angel vamp. He looks beautiful but he is pure evil. I suppose you think after me biting you I am pure evil too but that is all he wanted you for. He never really liked you he just fed off your weaknesses. He was going to make you his dinner one night. Probably that thanksgiving spectacular your family was going to have. In fact he would tell his parents and they would all go and feast on your whole family, and then move on to a new place. The problem is we think he still knows about this family thing, and he is going to take advantage of it. I got upset with you because I was trying to protect you, but I only ended up making you hate me more.”
He looked away embarrassed like he realized finally what he had done, and was now looking at all the trouble it had caused.
“Where going to have to fight them aren’t we.”
“We? No no no you are not going anywhere to fight anyone. You are going to stay here and get better and My family, Zane and I are going to go fight this wicked family. Do not get any ideas missy.”
I sat up straight looking into his eyes.
“This isn’t fair. If he is going to eat my family I want to be the one to try and stop him. Plus it will help me become a better vampire.”
“Hun, you have it all wrong. Just because you are a vampire now doesn’t mean you are invincible. If that were the case there would not even be a fight between any of us. He would eat your family and that would be the end of it. Plus you are not even a vamp yet. You have to go through some stuff before that happens, it’s going to take a couple days. No you will stay here and be a good little girl you hear me? Will you please just listen to me for once I am trying to save you not hurt you. I love you, but you have to let me do your fighting this time mmk?”
I looked away upset and stared out the window for a little bit.
“The world is going to seem much different now, but I am going to make sure you still have a normal life. You won’t be so much as lonely anymore, but I will give you your privacy. I don’t want to take away from you what you were Luna. You are still Luna alone and that doesn’t have to change much.”
He walked out the door to find Zane and supplies to wrap up my neck, and once that task was done he headed off to find weapons for the big battle that was about to occur.
Thanksgiving was only a day away and I was started to feel a little bit stronger. I woke up at 3 the next morning worried about what was going to happen and decided I would go call my sister. Knowing her she wouldn’t even be asleep yet. She was probably studying for some test she was having tomorrow, or talking to one of her friends that she had a crush on but wouldn’t admit.
“Umm Chasity you there?”
“Yes, WHERE ARE YOU?! Mom and dad are worried sick about you and I covered for you but I can only cover for so long.”
“I am not going to be there tonight or tomorrow or ever again for that matter.”
“You are moving out? With who?”
“That doesn’t matter, but what does matter is that you guys are okay right?”
“Luna were fine except were worrying about you a lot. Look I know that I get on your nerves and that we seem to hate each other but the truth is that I don’t hate you Luna and you are really starting to worry me. Please just come home.”
“I can’t, but no I am not with Danny if that is what you are thinkin…”
“Oh I know you’re not with Danny. That was the first place I called after you ran away from the house. I told him that if you come over to call me and let us know because we’re worried. He called and I was like good she’s over there, but he just called to ask if you had returned home yet. I told him no and he got really worried… he went out looking for you Luna and I haven’t seen him since then.”
I turned around and saw Zander sitting up in bed looking into my eyes sadly. He mouthed
“He is dead Luna I am sorry…”
“Chasity…I got to go now just please say safe.”
I hung up the phone starting to tear up. I turned around swiftly and looked at him angrily.
“No one was supposed to get hurt… especially not Danny he didn’t do anything to deserve this nothing at all!”
Zander sprawled out of bed and came over to meet me wrapping me in his arms tightly and trying to keep me from self destructing. I hit him over and over again harder and harder screaming up a storm and crying like there was going to be no tomorrow. He kissed my forehead and rocked me back and forth.
“It is okay Hun. Shh it will be okay, just take a deep breath.”
I finally had cried so much that I had worn myself out. I fell back onto the bed drained of all emotions and I knew it was time to sleep. Zander climbed into the bed next to me, pulled me into his arms and snuggled me till I fell fast asleep. I secretly think he was watching me sleep. Because it was becoming light outside and he couldn’t sleep during the day. The whole vampires not liking the day was a big lie, they just couldn’t sleep in it because the daytime meant their brains went into work mode. It had to be dark for them to sleep, very dark at that. I wasn’t a vampire yet but I was starting to feel it becoming harder and harder to sleep in.
I woke up the next day with the smell of bacon filling the air. I walked out to the kitchen and saw them all sitting around the table planning on what to do about tonight. It was turkey night and also the night Brian and his family were planning to attack my family. I had nearly forgotten all about Danny because I was being to feel numb. I felt bad, and at the same time a relief swept over me because I didn’t have to feel for him anymore, I didn’t have to tell him I couldn’t see him because I had fallen in love with a vampire and I just didn’t think it was going to work out with him. I scarped down the bacon like it was going to be me my last meal for a while and headed off to take a shower. It had been a couple days since I had taken one and I was starting to smell bad and feel even worse. I stepped in the burning shower and instantly began to melt, and I finally felt good. Zander came in and sat on the sink keeping me company for a little while. He tried not to talk about anything that would be a touchy subject to me and I could hear it in some of his questions. When it was time for me to get out he said he would meet me in his room and we were going to have to talk about something. I got out of the shower wrapped my hair and my body up and let the steam swirl around me and digest me into its empty stomach. I headed out the door and went into Zander’s room where I got clothing to put on but before I put it on he pulled me close to him and looked deep into my eyes.
“Luna…If something were to happen to me tonight I want you to stay here and get trained but please don’t do something stupid.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you so it’s fine.”
“There is a chance though Luna.”
“Okay, but nothing is going to happen so its fine.”
I got up and began to put my clothing on and could feel his eyes watching me. He wasn’t watching my naked body before him though he was trying to keep my gaze like I had eyes in the back of my head or something. I turned around instantly.
“Well what do you want me to say hmm? Oh I will be fine without you; in fact I won’t miss you at all. Why don’t you just go fall off the ends of the earth and die for all I care? Is that what you want to me to say?”
“Luna… please stop this. I am just saying something could happen and…”
“Well I love you, and I refuse to think that anything will happen to you. So please let’s drop this subject now.”
“As you wish Hun.”
He lay back on the bed and sighed and tried to close his eyes, but even I knew better. He was not going to sleep until this war was over and he knew I was safe. I also could feel that he was worried that maybe he wouldn’t make it. He had finally gotten what he wanted and it might be ripped from right under him with no problem.
“I want to do it now,” I whispered.
He looked up at me curiously.
“Do what Hun?”
“I want to make love. This might be the last time I ever see you and I want to feel your body against mine at least one last time. I want to become one, and since we can’t get married this is the only other option. Take it from me please. Take what humanly feeling I have left, let me be one with you.”
He didn’t argue with me instead he pulled me against his chest tight and leaned up and kissed me.
“If that is what you wish than I shall.”
“That is what I wish.”
He kissed my lips softly and laid me down on the bed huddled over top of me. He slid off my top and I fuddled around with his belt trying to slide it off. I found myself smiling and not thinking about anything else. I was finally content and I was ready to give my life over to him. I slid everything off of him fast, and he took everything off me fast as well. Our bodies pressed tightly against each other, both naked and warm. I bit my lip and looked into his eyes as we made sweet love. I never knew how much it would hurt, but it was a good feeling at the same time. This might be the last time I ever felt this awkward pain inside me. This beautiful figure before me could never be here again. I tried not to think about what bad could happen but instead laid back and enjoyed his body being so close to mine.
When we had both finally been relieved he put his pants back on and climbed on top of me once more covering me with the blankets.
“My beautiful Luna, try to be strong. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my entire life, and I will never love anymore than I have loved you.”
He smiled but I could see that he knew this could be it. His parents called out his name and he got up and got dressed and grabbed the last of his weapons. He came over and kissed me on the forehead and then headed out the door leaving me behind laying there in my own tears thinking about everything that had just happened. I had finally not been alone, and my heart could feel him now. I could sense him everywhere; picture his smile in my head. Everything about him was so familiar now that I didn’t even need him in front of me for him to be in front of me.
“Oh please my Zander return to me,” I murmured to myself.
They were finally over at the house and staking out a plan. It wasn’t going to be easy to kill an entire family of vampires and they all knew that, but it was worth everything to try to save a family. They got my family out of the house and told them to go over to someone else’s to have thanksgiving dinner. They were appalled at first but then figured it wasn’t worth it to argue. When Brian and his family showed up they were ready to pounce. The families started to fight at once except my Zander and Brian.
“Zander? Hmm I thought I had taken care of you.”
“Yes you thought you had but you hadn’t.”
“Where is my Luna?”
“Your Luna? She wants nothing to do with you Brian.”
“Oh and I bet she wants someone like you hmm?”
“She doesn’t need you Brian…”
He held his gaze on Brian and had his weapon up and ready to lock and unload.
“She won’t be eaten by you, she just wanted to be loved and you used her weakness… that makes you weak.”
“Hmm, and how does it make me weak when I am a vampire? Isn’t that what you are? A vampire? We are meant to feast on blood!”
“I do feast on blood, just not blood of the innocent you scavenger.”
“Oh dear calling names now are you? She is a nothing, a complete loser in case you haven’t noticed. She was lucky I even looked at her, I should have gone for her beautiful sister but she was too easy of a catch. I wanted to play off Luna’s fears and now because of your idiocracy my family and I do not have a thanksgiving dinner. Tsk tsk… you should have stayed at home because now I am going to have to kill you.”
Brian leapt at Zander but Zander immediately pulled the trigger and released an arrow. Brian dodged it and fell on top of Zander pounding his face in. They fist fought for awhile wrestling around in the snow and I lay there on the bed not able to contain myself anymore. I made a cross and put some garlic around my neck which began to burn my skin. I was becoming one of them but I would beat them myself because I had a weakness and Brian knew it.
I ran back towards my house and hid the garlic and the cross and stake in my back pocket. I started to walk towards my house clear headed and knew this is what I had to do. When I came upon my house I called out,
“ZANDER!!!! ZANDER WHERE ARE YOU?”
Brian looked up smirking and started to walk up to me. Zander’s eyes grew big and he tried to shoo me away. I looked over at him.
“Oh there you are silly!” I started to run towards him pretending not to be nervous even though knots were building up in my stomach. Brian jumped in front of me within a few seconds.
“Luna… baby I have been looking all over for you. Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Brian?”
“Yes it’s me,” he said smiling slyly.
I leapt into his arms and he held me tight.
“I have missed you and I have something to give you,” I said cutely.
“Oh what do you have to give me baby?”
“Oh just this.”
I whipped out the cross and held it up to his face. Everyone turned away and Brian immediately fell back into the ground.
“Um, I don’t really want a cr… cro…”
“A cross?” The words burned on my tongue, but I kept my cool. “What is wrong with a cross babe… don’t you love Jesus!”
He scattered away from me, and I kept walking toward him holding his gaze.
“Oh and what is thanksgiving dinner without some garlic?”
I pulled it out of my back pocket and threw it at him.
“Why are you doing this to me? Just stop it. You know how I hate garlic!”
He kept backing away.
“No I actually didn’t know that, you really should have informed me. Maybe what you need with that garlic is a little umm STAKE!”
I lunged at him trying to dig it into his heart when the next thing I know something is inside of me too. I look up at my back as the world is starting to go dark, I look up and Brian’s brother is standing over me smirking and I look down and see Brian is dead. I knew than that it would only take a little bit more time for me to bleed out to death but Brian was dead and that was what I had came here to do.
Brian’s family fled the scene and Zander came over and pulled me off the stake and held me in his arms crying.
“I told you not to come here Luna I told you not to come!”
I couldn’t really think straight but I looked up at him finally at peace with myself. I had done what I came here to do and my time was up with him. I was not going to lose the love of my life; he was going to lose me.
“I am sorry… I couldn’t just lie there…” I choked on some blood and coughed it up. “Drink the rest of my blood, I won’t need it.” I started to slip away and the world became dark.
This was not the world I had once lived in. I was somewhere else very far away and I could feel it. I could still hear Zander’s voice ringing in my head and see us running around laughing. It wasn’t heaven though. This place was something else, something very dark and mysterious. A place I could finally… sleep or rest. I closed my eyes and thought nothing and I was finally at peace.
The name is Luna. Luna Aristal Reeves to be exact. That’s pronounced Arystol .I guess you could say I don’t talk much, and I guess you could say I don’t have many friends. Who needs those when you’re as special as I am? At least that’s what my parents kept telling themselves. I was never to become the life of the party, never become outspoken, I just never really cared I guess. They thought that I was just shy and it was just a phase and that I would grow out of it, but lets’ face it, being alone is just who I am.

I love you milary :]]

princessp11 — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:33:36 +0000

Dear milary,

Sometimes I wonder
are you my friend
you did some things
they hurt a lot
and just so you know
ive forgiven you now
im gonna let go
but somethings have changed
do I trust you?
Not quite
im afraid to
for what you did
sometimes I look back
and wonder if I should be your friend now
but I think thats a part of being friends
for I shall lay my life down for thee anyday
I love thee like a sister
and if anyone messes with you
I have your back
and then I realized
boys will come and go
but you and me have a purpose
your my bitch and im your hoe
we belong together like carrots and peas
we…we are best friends
and forever that will be
My sweet milary

Love your sister from another mister…P.S. i know he loves you

The nothing i am more

princessp11 — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:28:45 +0000

If there is a time for everything
is there a time to be broken
to feel like you have died
and the wounds left open

scarred from the inside out
you tell yourself lies
and your life’s filled with doubt
and you know you cant hide

you don’t know love
and you hate who you see
but you try your best
just to be

take one more step
take one more breathe
because people are counting on you
though you just want death

you cry out to God
and he does not reply
as you take that last pill
and then shut your eyes

you know this is wrong
but you let yourself go
you want to be strong
but your dieing so slow

oh tell me thou says
is there a time for love
because you deny
you tell yourself ive had enough

your letting go
your slipping away
tell me now
what is your pain

you are not a princess
and you don’t have a prince
but you surely have death
written on your wrist

luna alone..

princessp11 — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:05:03 +0000

As I stare down the road I see darkness. No lights are on, it seems as though no human has lived through this living hell. No one helps each other, and I am left walking alone. I have been walking for some time now. Not only walking on the deserted streets of hollows edge, but also the edge of my mind. Call it irony. Do with it what you please, but I feel as though I am at a breaking point. What do you say when you are at a loss for words. Thats the whole point. You say whatever is on your mind at the time, and thats exactly what I do. If I am stressed call it as you see, I might say something on the border line of “shut up I am not in the mood,” or I may say something like “I wanna die!”. As I go on with life over and over and over. Suddenly though I realize I am tired of walking. I am tired of wandering through the streets figuring nothing out. As the cool air brushes my pale face. And the dew of the ground seems to fill the air. It is dense outside, and suddenly I am suffocating. I am claustrophobic though only surrounded by a few houses and darkness. I am breathless, but my breathe is the only thing I hear. It is silence, but my hearts pounding fills the air like the sound of a thousand drummers playing together louder, louder, and louder. I am not sure why I am walking anymore, and I return to the place I hate. I want to die, but I feel its too shallow to say that. I want to die because I feel my life is not in a place I want it to be. But what about the people that love me? Who do care if I die. So I dismiss this idea every time. Now I am walking, walking faster and faster, and faster.

I always wait on the edge of the sidewalk 45 min. early for the bus. I am not so sure why I do this, I just seem to like spending time with myself. I get on the bus, and sudden glances and whistles fill the air. I just roll my eyes, find the nearest seat and sit staring out the window. I forget about being on the bus, I look at the landscape. It is my escape from this so called normal world. Then I see my sister come running down the street waving her arms like a frantic maniac. Urging the bus to halt so she can get on. As she enters heads turn and whistles go on and on. However unlike me she likes it. She flirts back, winks or waves or smiles. She sits next to this one guy who seems to like her a lot. She seems to like his attention, but I do not really care if they are together or not, so I never ask. Then she sees me and says “hey sis, cheer up life is great!” and gives the cheesy smile. I just give her that same cheesy smile back, except with a certain gloominess to it. Then I return to my window, and I watch as we pass each house. Sometimes I feel like I am so distant I count every brick on each house.

We get to school and theres nothing left to say, as I rush off to my first period, with my head slightly tilted towards the ground. And my sis waves at me and says “Have a great day sis, I love you!”. And I just walk away very fast pretending she did not just say that, because she only does it for attention. I sit in my first period class where people seem to ignore me. Even the teacher gets my name wrong, and I have been in his class for 3 years. I feel like an outcast, but I suppose it is good for me. I can sit there and do what I please and no one bothers me. Except for some kids, who seem to think making fun of my shyness is fun. How do you get pleasure out of something like that? I have never been exactly sure of how to answer that. The next thing I know the bell rings and I am off to do the same things at least 7 more times.

I leave school, and I figure I would walk home today. I hate riding the bus with my sister., and all those kids snickering about me, and conversing about me. I get home before chastity, and of course my sister wants to know why I got home before her. As I stare at my homework silent. She slams my book shut and gives me the most pissed off look I have seen in a while. I have this feeling shes going to ask me why I am home before her, but of course not. The next thing I know I am in an hour long conversation that I did not sign up for. I listen to her talk about what danny did, and what danny did not do and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I am in despair as I put my head down. And she smack the table and screams “NOW YOUR NOT LISTENING TOO?!?!”. She seems to have stomped away, because as I go to say “of course I was”, I seem to see nothing. In my mind I know I should apologize, but I also know that would only lead to her talking more and more. I might as well let her sweat it out, and finish my homework.

The next day was expected to be the same routine as every other day, however it was definitely not. Of course I get to the corner where my bus comes 45 min. early. Expecting to sit and ponder on my own thoughts and what I was going to do today. Yet when I get there, some kid is sitting in MY spot and I suddenly feel my cheeks getting bright red…and I want to kill him. I quietly walk over to the stop and I decide to pick a new spot. Who needs that spot anyways? But you do have to wonder why he was there so early. So of course me being me, I had to ask why. It came out something like “hey kid why are you here so damn early…and thats my spot by the way!” as he stares at me. He starts giving me that joking smile, one that I have not seen from my parents or sister or myself, or anyone for that matter of fact. It made me confused. I squint my eyes like I look confused, because I was. Then suddenly hes reaching out his hand saying “hi my names Brian”. I look at his hand, then look at him and turn away in disgust. He just chuckles slightly and starts talking to me like I am actually listening. “I was not expecting anyone else to come so soon. Thats why I am here, to clear my mind, ponder on my own thoughts. I did not know this was your territory, please excuse me for that”. Then I must have turned around and actually listened because I found myself staring at “Brian” with my jaw dropped so far down, I do not think the paramedics could have gotten it up. He smiles then says “so why are you here?” and I seem to say “for the same reason”. But then I start to notice how he looks, for once I actually think I am starting to like a guy. He had dark brownish blackish hair, and the prettiest black eyes I have ever seen. He appeared to be Asian and I did not mind that at all. He was a boy, that eventually all girls would fall for. I knew this in my mind and decided to snap out of it. Sometimes I convince myself stuff in my mind, and then it actually happens. And in this instance it did, because the next thing I know my hand is hitting my face. Then I feel my self blushing up a storm. How can you slap yourself in front of someone so beautiful, so nice, and someone you really like. He sees me blushing, and I am not sure if he has figured out that I like him yet, or if hes just wondering why I just slapped myself. But he does not waste time to say “you know you look really pretty”, then slightly turns his head away. I start the blushing thing again, but this time its okay because he complimented me, and no one does that. Then I start saying “thanks, but I am definitely not pretty.”

The bus is coming, and I find myself weary, and falling for a guy I have only known for 45 min.. I suddenly am sitting next to him on the bus, and I am neglecting the houses next to me. I am not looking out the window today, I am not looking at anything but Brian. Of course though here comes my stupid sister. She gets on the bus, and looks straight at me seeing that I am not alone today, she has to ask “Who is that?” I roll my eyes as she sits down, and I say “Chasity, this is Brian”, “Brian this is my horrible sister Chasity.” and I find myself now yelling at Chasity “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!” I know she thinks he is cute, and she does all she can to flirt with him. Shes telling him how cute he is, and winks at him, and grabs at his hand as he pulls away. He looks at me with the HELP ME look, and I seem to smile, and say okay but you have to pretend to be my boy friend. I did not realize I actually said it to him until I got a reply of “Why would I pretend?” If he had not of smiled, I would not have understood that that meant that he wanted to be my boy friend. I was smiling inside, outside, and I was actually happy. As Chasity is still tugging at him trying to get him to like her, he finally says, no sorry I am with your sister. The next thing I know he looks at me and kisses me on the cheek. He grabs for my hand, and I start to panic. Ive never felt like this before, I have never cared so much about a guy, or anyone for that matter of fact. I have never even loved myself, and yet I find myself longing to be with Brian. I do not ever want to leave the bus, as I snuggle my head up to his warm chest. And I am no longer alone.

We get off the bus, and I think Chasity hates me now, she gives me this look like your gonna pay sister, oh your gonna pay. I do not give a flipping crap whether she hates me or not, I have Brian and hes good enough for me. I hug him and I find myself not wanting to let go, as we walk in the building his arm around my waist. He looks at his schedule, and he appears to have the same first period as me, so we walk there together. I sit in the corner of the room, and no one sits next to me, yet. And then Brian is getting told to sit next to me. The teacher whispers something on the lines of “I know she is weird, but just try to get along with her.” to Brian, and he gets a really ticked look. He seems to say back, “oh Sr. really, because thats my girlfriend your talking about and shes not the slightest bit weird.” He walks away very upset by what the teacher has said. He sits next to me and smiles and says, “Does everyone think your weird?” I suddenly feel like he is going to turn on me and I stutter, “Yes but its only because I do not really talk or anything, I am kinda shy if you know what I mean.” He just hugs me and says “Well your not weird, and I like you very much.”

I look all around as I wait for the bus to arrive. The bell has rung and I find myself now wanting to ride the bus. Only wanting to be closer to him, he had an erieness to him that made me feel happy. For once I was telling myself not to overreact, and to stop being too happy. I can not remember a time that has happened to me. Our bus of course strolls in late, and I am left standing in the frigged cold. I look around to see if Brian is there, but then theres nothing. I do not even see my sister, and that made my cheeks sparkle like the peel of an apple. I confronted this “Danny” kid with the facts I knew about him. “Um… do you happen to know where my sister is?” at least thats how it came out. He looked at me for a second wondering who I was, and why I was talking to him. Then like a stupid person he had to ask, “Who are you?” I felt my cheeks turning more red, my ears were probably steaming now. I just want to know where Chasity is! Can no one tell me where my freaking sister is?!? I started to feel embarrassed, I had managed to look stupid again in front of everyone on my bus. The bus was coming down the street, and I knew that this was only torture now.

I got on the bus as quickly as possible. I hid my face by staring out the window just like I used to. This time there was no Brian or Chasity. I realized I was fully alone. I also got off the bus almost as

swiftly and smoothly as I got on, the only problem was my invisible shadow. As I got off the bus I almost made it off the bus and to the land I had known for many years. However I hit the last step and plump, down went the weasel. Even the bus driver laughed, then pretended to care because its her job. I really started crying in my mind, and as I look up I see Brian standing there with a panicked look on his face. He waste no time to spurt out “Are you okay?” I feel somewhat calmer now, and I am able to mutter “Yes I am fine.” I get up and brush my legs off. My knee seems to sing as my onomatopoeia rings out and I moan. I did not want to seem like a pushy girlfriend, but thats how I was. As the bus pulls away I seem to scream “Why were you not there”?!? I am getting all tingly inside, finding myself so upset that I could just kill him. I look at his face as he is searching for an answer, still speechless of what to say. “Ugh” ,”fine then I am leaving”, then I storm away. Down the street I walk, only going farther away from love which I did not know at the time was a bad idea.

He started to come after me, frantically waving his arms around exclaiming “Luna, wait I am so sorry”. Then I said “forget it, just go home Brian, just forget about me.” I was so mad at the time, I did not know any better that I had said what was on my mind. The thing on my mind at the time though happened to be very bad. I just kept walking down the street thinking in my mind, how could he? The street was so long now, and it was getting colder and colder, what was I supposed to think when I refused to be happy.

I get home and Chasity is sitting there on the couch. She looks up and notices me, while trying to greet me and I storm away. She seems to say “Hello my lovely sister.” I wanted to punch her in the face because she had gotten home when Brian did, which meant in my mind they were together. I ran to my room and burrowed my head in my pillow, as the water works began. I felt so, so vulnerable. I had never been in love, been loved, or felt so vulnerable in my life. Now I just wanted to get away, wanted to escape everything. I ate dinner quietly, then went back to my room. I read the journal about me and Brian I had read in class, and I almost ripped it up. However right before I ripped it up , I noticed the last line said “Brian is human remember that Luna.” It made me somewhat depressed , because I had known this would happen and had wrote myself a note. I ignored it! How could I ignore it, then I knew what I must do.

I called Brian at least ten times that night, and every time I did I thought of something new to add, or to say. I kept getting his voice mail and would listen just to hear his voice one last time. I went to the bus 45 min. early as always. I needed the time to clear my head, and I could still do that with Brian sitting there. I expected to see him there, I wanted a conflict. He was not there though. He was not there that day or the next or the next. I got so worried at what was happening. What if he had gotten so upset at me he was not coming to school. Or what if he had to move and he tried to tell me and I ignored it. I did not care what the reason was at the time, it just hit me that my love was gone. I was so alone again, and I partially blamed myself. When you have a low self esteem, and a stubborn head like I do, its hard not to. I waited and waited and waited for him to come, but he never did.

Thanksgiving was coming up, and unfortunately my sister told my parents that I had a boyfriend, so it was going to be a couple dinner. There was only one slight problem to that. I did not have a boyfriend anymore. My so called love of my life went poof. He decided to pick up his whole life and leave me to be alone. So I had to find someone else to take his place. The only problem with that was that I liked no one, and no one liked me. I went to the bus 45 min. early, still hoping Brian might be there, but he was not. I started thinking about the thanksgiving thing, and then wondered who Chasity was taking, or my cousin Cory was taking. Chasity actually came somewhat early today, so I asked her “Who are you going with?” She replied swiftly and with a smile “Oh I am going with

Chris.”

“Who the hell is Chris?”, I asked. She started to giggle and said “My boyfriend you silly goose.” I was shocked because I was sure she would go with Danny. I asked about Danny and she told me that Chris was his best friend, and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I was so confused and decided not to ask her anymore. My tiny dead brain could only handle so much, and she had went over the top. Then when I was on the bus, I actually stopped and looked. Chasity was with a new guy and she seemed to like him very much. I look over to the window seat behind them and there sits Danny, he looked so depressed, different then the normal preppy Danny. I could not stop myself from actually slipping a greeting, and I found myself saying “Umm are you okay?” I did not really care if he was or not, but lately my emotions got the best of me. Danny looked up and looked even worse then when he had just been the hooded kid Danny. The smell and taste of being alone filled the air. Depression, and total regret was the greeting I got from him as he mumbled “Yes I am fine thanks.” He turned away again and I felt depressed too. I knew what it was like to be totally abandoned and not knowing why.

The next thing I knew I was sitting next to Danny, and I was trying to comfort him. I laid my head on his shoulder and started to cry slightly. He did not look at me like I was weird, but he put his arm around me and embraced me. He put his head on top of mine and the rest of the way to school we sat depressed and sleepy.

As we got off the bus he grabbed for my hand, it made me think of Brian and I became worried. What if Brian comes back, he would be so disappointed. So I pulled away slightly and Danny gave me the most depressed puppy dog look ever, begging me please do not leave me. So I held his hand as he pulled me close to him. We walked hand in hand, and closer then anything up to the school. We started to pass Chasity, and she noticed this chaos happening. She came over and broke our hands apart and did not fail to yell “What do you think you are doing?” I knew somewhat she was jealous, but at the same time she had Chris. I hated my sister being jealous, because she got everything and it was my turn. Just at that moment I started to lay down the law. “Shut up Chasity, you have no right to talk, you get everything so leave my boyfriend and me alone…NOW!” I had just realized also at that second that I had called Danny my boyfriend. He gave me a look like we are dating?!? This look made me worried and sad at the same time, and I started to run to the bathroom crying as Danny chased after me. He however caught up with me, and said “Luna please do not cry. I am sorry, I just did not know. I will be your boyfriend if you want me to.” I just looked up and blinked. I had nothing to say, and I handed him the thanksgiving card and left him there speechless, and I walked to my first period of torture.

Thanksgiving came and it was total fun. I hung out with Danny, my sister being jealous and everyones eyes on me. I sort of liked the attention. However as the night went on a visitor came. That was the night I will never forget…

alone…

princessp11 — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:13:56 +0000

We get off the bus, and I think Chasity hates me now, she gives me this look like your gonna pay sister, oh your gonna pay. I do not give a flipping crap whether she hates me or not, I have Brian and hes good enough for me. I hug him and I find myself not wanting to let go, as we walk in the building his arm around my waist. He looks at his schedule, and he appears to have the same first period as me, so we walk there together. I sit in the corner of the room, and no one sits next to me, yet. And then Brian is getting told to sit next to me. The teacher whispers something on the lines of “I know she is weird, but just try to get along with her.” to Brian, and he gets a really ticked look. He seems to say back, “oh Sr. really, because thats my girlfriend your talking about and shes not the slightest bit weird.” He walks away very upset by what the teacher has said. He sits next to me and smiles and says, “Does everyone think your weird?” I suddenly feel like he is going to turn on me and say, “Yes but its only because I do not really talk or anything, I am kinda shy if you know what I mean.” He just hugs me and says “Well your not weird, and I like your very much.”

grief

princessp11 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:23:41 +0000

We mourn and we mourn

yet your never there

I look at your grave

and I must stop and stare

I remember the times

we had the most fun

as the sun sets

I feel my lifes done

the pain iwas so close

and heaven so far

yet up in the clouds

tahts where you are

why cant you be here

and holding me close

not down in your grave

laiden with my rose

I gave you a kiss

the day that you died

and for one sweet second

I pictured you sighed

then you turned pale

pale as a ghost

I wanna be your maiden

but mostly your host

god kept you alive

as long as he could

god kept you alive

as long as he should

misfortune will happen

we will turn and well weep

our hearts cut open

the wound is soo deep

o why arent you here

why cant you speak

tell me about heaven

and when we will meet

is it beautiful up there

or is it cold

I bet you cant describe it

I feel abandoned and old

are you just sleeping

or are you still here

I would love to know

so ill shed a tear

my fear gets the best of me

knowig my fate

but ill be happy

just to see you again

now one long painful year

I stand her waiting for wats to come

the knifes so close

I feel so numb

ill see you soon

probably one more day

unless you give me a sign

you want me too stay

Joe

princessp11 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:18:21 +0000

I stare at you

almost everyday

but you turn towards me

so I turn away

and your friends start laughing

saying I have a crush

but then the bell rings

and their all in a rush

I pick up my stuff

and start to walk slowly

somehow its just us

and im still feeling lonely

u give me that smile

as u start to pass

but then you slow down

like youll walk me to class

we talk about nothing

but that ok with me

cuzz its a conversation

and its the place I wanna be

as they day goes on

and we look at eachother

the teacher says something

suddenly im calling my mother

I feel so stupid

I feel so ashamed

and now the next day

everyone is callin me names

but you were right there

when I got back

and you say I miss you

which gave me a heartattack

I wanted to tell you

so that you can see

so I wrote you a note

that the teacher took from me

she read it aloud

and the whole class heard

I love you!

And then not a single word

I think that silenced killed me

and I put my head down

she pulled me out after

and said im srry I read it aloud

I had no idea

that It would be like that

and I dotn know wat to say

except for my bad

I sighed its ok

I shouldnt have wrote it

and as I walk out

all the kids are all boasting

I hate this dumb feeling

and I think I may cry

and I feel like escaping

as tears enter my eyes

you try to come over

but then you go back

I know its because

you friends think im wack

I wont even talk to you

you dont have to worry

and for now on to each class

ill be in a hurry

you can hang out with lisa

shes prettier than me

and ill leave you alone

it will blow over you see

ill fall out of love

and never love again

and now im really lonely

cuzz I dont even have a friend

so I sit at the play ground

all by myself

while im drawing the daisies

and rejusting my belt

im sitting on top

of the wooden thing covered with dew

I sat there so softly

and then I fell through

all the kids screamed

and then started laughing slightly

calling me fat

just like ben nightly

I lay there alone

with no one to help

and I see you look over

and then here a yelp

im passing out slowly

and I cant see a thing

and then like an angel

you spread out your wing

you sit by my side

as you brush back my hair

and suddenly I look away

and say I promise I wont stare

but you turn me back towards you

and look in my eyes

and suddenly I awaken

and this is a surprise

you start to lean towards me

and whisper in my ear

I love you to sweet angel

your voice so soft and dear

I smile for a second

but then here come your lips

and I was so happy you were there

and there came that kiss

and now im turning 20

and you get down on one knee

and I begin to cry

like I was still 15

it takes me back to those days

the days so soft and sweet

and now im gonna be your bride

i hope im one youll keep

Hello world!

princessp11 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:13:03 +0000

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